Dear Other Night Night

Dear Other Night Night,

I didn't know how much I need you. I really had no idea how I depend on you. The depth of my love for you was completely unknown until I lost an entire night of sleep from sobbing over you.
You were a gift for my boy before he was born so we've had you all 4.5 years of his life. Early on, I forced you into his hands and hoped he'd love you. I thought we could have a handful of night nights and swap them out for even wear. I was so wrong. When Parker was little, he wanted all the little loveys. He named them white night night, blue night night, mommy night night, taggy night night and OTHER night night. You, other night night, were the quick favorite. Parker could always find you amongst the others even in the darkness of his crib. I still remember the day I realized he'd named you "night night"...it was because I always scooped him up, handed him a paci and a lovey and said "let's go night night". He associates you with sleep and so you were named.
You've been through all of life with us. You are the item I stuffed between myself and my boy while I rocked, whispered prayers, sang songs and begged for sleepiness. You were the item I handed my boy when he cried from teething, fevers, and having to give up his paci. You've been on road trips and airplanes. You survived the challenge of 365daysofsweetparkersleep photos. You've transitioned from crib to big boy bed. You've moved from Cypress to San Antonio and back to Cypress. You are with him when I cannot be. You are the last thing I hand him before I kiss him goodnight, the thing he holds onto while he grows each night and the first thing he reaches for when he wakes each morning. Even now, he carries you downstairs and you snuggle between us each morning as we watch a show. You're moved to the kitchen bar for breakfast and sometimes remain there until nap time or even the end of the day. I love that you're nearby, always on call in case a little boy needs you closer.
A few years ago, you were accidentally left at Cookie and Chief's and only after Cookie popped you in the mail did I realize how risky a process that actually was. Sometimes Parker plays with you and at bedtime we have a hard time finding you. Daniel and I breathe a sigh of relief when we're able to place you in our boy's hands and send him off to sleep. A few times, I've talked to Parker about how special you are and remind him that there's only one of you. Because you're so special, we've opted to leave you at home while on a few trips. After last night, I'm afraid you may not be traveling anymore.
Wednesday, we loaded up the car and headed to San Antonio. Of course you were in my big boy's seat with him the entirety of the trip. You spent two nights in bed with him at the Hyatt Regency Hill Country Resort & Spa. Ya'll slept with Daddy and snuggled sweetly while I wrestled a little brother and his cough induced sleeplessness. Uncle Euell died and we needed to get in the car and make our 6 hour drive to see our family in east Texas. Daddy and Parker loaded the car with out Pierce and me. I remember gathering all the blankets, dogs and loveys and stuffing them in the pillow case that Parker would carry to the car. I swore I packed you. But at the end of a long day, when it was time for bed, you were nowhere to be found. We looked in the car, every single bag, my purse...and nothing. We called the hotel, McDonald's (the only stop we made) and the funeral home. No one had seen you. I thought you were on the floorboard and that I'd asked Parker to carry all his stuff inside Baba's house. I thought I'd done a good job of making sure we had all the things we needed. Parker's face was one of agony and he sobbed himself to sleep without you. I prepared him for loss and for never seeing you again. And when I lay myself down to sleep, I was wracked with guilt and heartache. All the feelings in the world were projected onto you, night night. I prayed and prayed you'd be found and finally was able to snooze for a few hours only to awaken before the sun rose to sob some more. You see, I'm not ready to lose you, night night. I'm in love with the way you comfort my boy. I love seeing his little hands wrap around you and snuggle you up to his face as he settles in for sweet sleep. I love that I find you in random places around the house because you've taken part in that morning's wildly imaginative hog hunting trip or police chase adventure. You are the link to my baby boy, my toddler and my little boy...and I'm just not ready to let go.
Love,
Mama

*Thankfully, as we furiously packed again the next day, my husband thought to search my cousin's room and night night was found and rescued. We were separated for just 24 hours but oh how sweet the reunion!