My Most Horrible Day

August 19, 2008
I used to start school on this day. I vividly remember calling my grandfather before or after school to wish him happy birthday. This day used to be one of excitement and happiness as I looked forward to what another year of school would bring.
Now this day holds a different meaning, filled with very different emotions.

I woke Tuesday morning and dressed for winter since it's so freezing cold at school. When looking for a necklace to wear with my camo pants and long sleeved tshirt, my fingers froze on the cross that my sweet in-laws gave me for Christmas. For whatever reason, I put it on. My crazy imagination had recently been running wild so I prayed a prayer of protection over my family and then asked God to remove the paranoia and fear from my mind. Praying in the car is customary for me. It calms me and makes my day right.

Our meetings ended at 9:30am, I think. We were free to work in our rooms and I'd made my way to the library to use the laminator. I remember Michele asking me where my mother was. I brushed away the thought...Mama is hard to keep up with in the schoolhouse. Minutes later, Mrs. Harris was at the door of the library. She said that I had a phone call, an emergency phone call. What? Who? Not me. No one calls me at school. They'd said that they could speak to me or my Mom. It has to be cheer related...this was my first idea. I walked out of the library to the receptionist's desk and picked up the phone.

I heard her take in a sharp breath of air. I heard panic. I could tell she didn't know what to say or how to say it. Before I knew who was on the other end of the phone line, my life had changed forever.

Baba somehow found the words and told me that there had been a car wreck and Emily was dead. [Emily is my 16 year old cousin. She is the 5th of 8 grandchildren of which I am the oldest. She is dear to my heart. My cousins are all so sweet to me.] I must have heard wrong. Hit her head. In a coma. Lost her arm. Is in the hospital in ICU. Can't walk. Pray for a miracle. Come quick, say goodbye...anything but DEAD! I collapsed to the floor and began screaming crying. Mrs. Harris picked me up off the ground. I don't remember walking to Michele's office. Mom was there...I just had to make it to Mom. She saw me and the state that I was in so she wrapped her arms around me, not yet knowing who it was that something terrible had happened to. Somehow I told her. My immediate thought was to get to my sisters. My sisters are my LIFE! I needed to be the one to tell them. I was sobbing hysterically, muttering this doesn't happen to us. It never has. Why should it now?

Our Navasota family quickly assembled at Mom and Dad's and made a plan for getting to East Texas. The car ride was the longest of my life. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe. My whole body hurt. Every part of me wanted to get to Baba and Shannion as fast as I could, yet somehow I didn't want to see them at all. I think I knew that as soon as we'd arrived in Emily's hometown, this would become REAL. REAL life is painful, difficult...sometimes unbearably sad. It's also beautiful and worth living, even if we only get 16 years of love and memories out of it.

I spent Wednesday working on the program for Em's funeral, ordering wrist bands for our family and Emily's friends, trying to get a memorial website setup, creating a slideshow for the funeral...I purposely kept busy because having a purpose made things somewhat easier. I wanted to honor Emily in every way I possibly could. She would have done the same for me. I wasn't prepared for the visitation or seeing Emily. As sick as it sounds, I desperately needed to look at her, to touch her, to let it sink in. I have been to my share of funerals, especially lately, and I've never seen more people at a visitation or funeral than I have at Emily's. The number of lives she touched truly is unbelievable.

I am grateful to God for having had the privilege of knowing Emily. It goes beyond that though. I love that I got to see her learn to walk and talk. I love that I have held her, fed her, changed her, hugged her and kissed her. I love that I have watched her grow up, get crushes on boys, fall in love, go to her first prom, ride horses and four wheelers, make plans for college...I love that I have seen firsthand how beautifully Emily has loved. Emily loved wholeheartedly, held nothing back and forever impacted our lives.

WARNING: You may not want to view the photos below...they contain images from the wreck site and of the vehicle.